My Family is Perfect, oh and Season Greetings.

Yesterday we received our first holiday card. I love holiday cards! Soon I am sending out 100 cards to my nearest and dearest friends. This year we went for fun on the beach. Last year's funny Patriot's theme was one of my favorites, but I have decided to make one year funny next year serious. Plus I couldn't think of a funny theme that we all agreed with. No matter, I love your cards, keep them coming. But for those of who send a lovely holiday letter please note that you are our absolute favorites.

If fact my husband Dave looks forward to the holiday letters all year long. When they arrive in our mailbox he gets all giddy with anticipation as he opens the envelopes. Then I sit on the couch and he opens the letters and starts his dramatic readings. He puts on his best fake radio announcer voice and begins:

This year little Timmy was accepted at NASA and after he is out of his diapers he will be piloting a spaceship to Mars! Little 8 year old Sally, beauty pageant winner and the apple of her father's eye, will traveling to Washington D.C. to serve as President Elect Obama's Secretary of Elementary. Mom is thin and beautiful as usual. She still has a spotless house, cooks healthy gourmet meals, and is the envy of mom's everywhere. Mom has been volunteering so much and making such a difference in people's lives that Oprah has asked her to take over the show when she retires. Dad is still strong and handsome as always. He has been so successful at work this year that the CEO is giving him control of the company. But don't worry he will still have time to coach Timmy's soccer team, volunteer at Sally's Girl Scouts, romance mom every night, and still have time to train for the Iron Man triathlon.

Why do our friends and family feel that their letters have to support the Suburban Sham? What happened to casual letters simply updating loved ones on family events, including perhaps a good wish or two for the holiday? When did people decide to ditch these nice letter's and replace them with a laundry lists of Junior's exaggerated achievements?

Every year I debate writing a Holiday Letter. Or an Anti Holiday letter;

We are alive and have survived another year. Alice failed potty training and Binky is never coming out. Dylan most likely has inherited ADD from mom and he has been fighting non-stop with his sister. Mom has gained back the 30 pounds that she lost last year and is struggling again. Dad's work drives him crazy and he is now looking for a new position. Money is tight and our portfolio is in the crapper, but now that we have such immense loses we are looking forward to the tax right off! We're nuts, but we're happy!

I would send this out, but my mother and mother in law would kill me. Because you know that the grand kids are perfect angels who walk on water. "What would people think?"

Let's have the courage to be real. Let's give ourselves a break this year and just be who we are. Let's teach our kids to have pride in who they are and who we actually are as a family. Let smash this letter facade and just be who we are dirty snot stained shirts and all.

If you send me a Holiday letter please tell my about you and your family for real. For those of you who feel more comfortable sending the old laundry list. Dave will have a blast reading your letter out loud. So, big thanks from Dave in advance.